People Pleaser

By nature I am a people pleaser. I want EVERYONE to be HAPPY :))))

I go into overtime at parties/family events/anywhere people gather. I become Guy Smiley with his game show personality! At any expense I will make sure that the dinner music is playing, the conversation is flowing & people are having a Good Time!

Even at my very own expense.

But sucks is the life of the People Pleaser!

We are always "ON" to make sure that everyone around us is Happy! Nobody has entrusted us with this role but we have appointed ourselves!

As a People Pleaser you Know how to diffuse any awkward situation! You help aid in gliding past any issues that should arise.You let things roll off your shoulders, take things in stride & keep the party moving!

The "Party Ship" is about to launch & you the People Pleaser, are its captain! If the boat cracks & is about to fill with water, you think that you are going to say the Right words to putty up the boat to make sure this "Party Ship" keeps floating. Captain Party Time! Floating through the crowd to make sure that everyone is happy & that it is YOUR responsibility that they ARE. You have failed if anyone comes into contact with you and they leave unhappy!

You can tell when something is about to happen across the room! "Oh no, Uncle Fred is about to say something inappropriate to your sister-in-law! You better get in there & reframe what he says so it doesn't sound As bad as he meant it!"

This is your job! & you take it VERY seriously.

It is being of service, kind, gracious & keeping things light & pleasant :)

Playing the part of a People Pleaser is a Ton of work! & @ any one time YOU really aren't having any FUN bc you are so worried about making sure anyone BUT you IS having FUN!

People Pleasing Is a Thankless Job...

Ahhh..

But somebody has got to do it!

....

A couple years ago, I realized after much reflection that as much I THINK I can make EVERYONE HAPPY & diffuse awkward social situations... I CAN'T.
AND I shouldn't WANT TO!

When Guy Smiley is worried about everybody else's good time, who is worried about Guy's smile?

NO ONE!?!?

It isn't anyone else's job to worry about your Happiness but you. The same way it is not your job to worry about other's happiness.

YOU are the Only person who can make YOU happy.

I am the ONLY one that can make ME Happy.

I can't MAKE others happy .

It is Exhausting to TRY...

As sweet as I am and as kind as I want to be, I am doing myself & others a HUGE disservice if: I Concentrate on anything else but My JOY!

So as much as you Think you can Make those around you Happy, you Can't! Happiness is a state of mind that each person decides to either be or not to be. Bc no matter how hard you try, some people will Never be happy. And nothing YOU do, Say, or BE can Make someone else happy.

Happiness is an Individual Choice.

It is Not my job to make sure that everyone is happy at a party. It is only my job to make sure that I AM HAPPY.

By being me, comfortable in my skin, I will innately make others happy. By following My Joy! But no longer can I put My Joy on hold in pursuit of attempting at making others happy.

I am Allowed to be happy even if those around me choose Not to BE!

This is a Big one bc before it was: I am ONLY allowed to be Happy IF everyone around me was happy. Bad place to put myself bc I have ZERO control on other people's choices.

Now, I stop myself from "helping" when I know that there is about to be an explosive situation that I Think I could diffuse. I stop myself when I see the warning signals that make me Want to interfere and become the Captain of the "Party Ship"...I quickly abandon my position... & JUMP OVER BOARD!!

The second I feel like Guy Smiley I STOP myself & begrudgingly remind myself I am ONLY allowed to worry about ME at this party!

As much as I LOVED my job & People LOVED me in it, it just Cost too much.

It's exhausting to watch, it's exhausting to BE.

I pause. Take a deep breathe.

To Remind Myself:

When everyone goes home & I am alone...I will feel good bc I made others laugh, feel happy about themselevs & the party was a "success"...

BUT...

there will be a little empty aching feeling because:

"Why did I have to work so hard???
Why didn't anyone care about my happiness as much as I was chasing after theirs???
Why was I more worried about everyone BUT me...???"

Then as we are Smiling through the pain a resentful feeling resides.

I can no longer risk that kind of negative hang over!

Give up wanting control & just show up to parties! & if your cranky co-worker is about to insult your best friend, it's not your responsibility to run defense & swift her away or restate his f'd up statement! They are both adults & they will figure it out. It's Not Your Job. Your job is to worry about You Having a Good time!

In theory, it sounds very nice & sweet & kind & giving & empathetic worrying about others & their happiness in social environments. BUT the cost it takes from YOUR happiness is not worth it!

And why are you choosing to distract yourself from yourself with other people's emotional state?

Today, think of someone you know who behaves in this way. Say a pray for them, that they will be at least equally concerned with their own happiness as well as others. Obviously, this is not everybody. Not everybody is an enabler or has co-dependent tendencies. But if it's you or someone you Love, it is painful to watch bc you want them to care about themselves as much as they care for others!

We were given a light. It is our duty to shine our light. From our light we can light others. Our goal is to keep our light shinning brightly.

Put the oxygen mask on FIRST then you can worry about the babies around you!

Xo