Anger

The word Anger brings up so much shame for me.

I get rage. 

Sometimes, I like Anger Bc it makes me feel powerful. And makes me feel not as small as I might be feeling. 

My therapist says Anger is a Shell we put on to cover the underlying feelings. 

Seems I use Anger when I'm scared, vulnerable, disappointed, sad...

It's the Shell I put on. 

K...

This isn't funny Bc this is super serious to me. 

But...

Shell makes me think of the woman's shirt that goes under cardigans. 

I put a flame covered Shell on to protect me. Disguise what I'm feeling. I guess. 

Sad really. 

Bc...

I'm a writer. 

I love words. 

I'm an Actor. 

I love emotions. 

I'm a Comedian.

I love honesty. 

Yet...

I am choosing the same note over and over again. Why?

Isn't that boring!!!

Like such a snooze fest!!!

Imagine watching an Actor and the entire time no matter what was happening to them they CHOSE Anger as an emotion to play. 

Ugh. 

We would stop watching. 

I am not a one trick pony in my Art. 

So...

Why am I choosing to be in my romantic communications?!?

Bc 

I can communicate easily with anyone in my life. 

BUT...

Whomever I am romantically involved with. 

It's always been hard for me to be vulnerable and not feel stupid so I go to Anger. 

It's always been hard for me to be scared and not feel vulnerable so I go to Anger. 

It's always been hard for me to be disappointed and not feel sad so I go to Anger. 

Tired of my default choice.

Today, what is your default emotion? I'm beginning to believe we all have one.  

Can you articulate yourself easily to others?!? 

What is your feel life emotional go-to choice?!?

My feel life emotional go-to choice is Anger. 

I am actively choosing a different emotional default. It's on my To Do list so you know it's real! 

;) 

Xoxo