GOTYE! Somebody that I used to know...Leave the Weave

When we begin a new relationship with someone we are both a blank canvas. We create the patterns that will ultimately lead into the body of work of our relationship.  The music video:

Somebody That I Used To Know sung by Gotye and featuring Kimbra is a profound visual example of a term I like to call Relationship Weaving.

-The music video starts with Gotye naked standing in front of a blank wall.  

[Gotye:] 

"Now and then I think of when we were together

Like when you said you felt so happy you could die 

Told myself that you were right for me 

But felt so lonely in your company 

But that was love and it's an ache I still remember" 

-Pencil drawing starts creating patterns in the background. 

"You can get addicted to a certain kind of sadness 

Like resignation to the end 

Always the end 

So when we found that we could not make sense 

Well you said that we would still be friends 

But I'll admit that I was glad it was over" 

-Pattern is slowly painting Gotye into the artwork.  

"But you didn't have to cut me off 

Make out like it never happened  

And that we were nothing 

And I don't even need your love 

But you treat me like a stranger  

And that feels so rough 

You didn't have to stoop so low 

Have your friends collect your records  

And then change your number 

I guess that I don't need that though 

Now you're just somebody that I used to know

Now you're just somebody that I used to know 

Now you're just somebody that I used to know"

 -Pans out to show full pattern of the art work & Kimbra is painted into the pattern with Gotye. Kimbra starts to sing from within the weave of the pattern in the artwork.  

[Kimbra:] 

"Now and then I think of all the times you screwed me over  

But had me believing it was always something that I'd done" 

-Kimbra walks over to Gotye to sing to him.  

"And I don't wanna live that way 

Reading into every word you say  

You said that you could let it go  

And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know"

-Gotye cuts off Kimbra & sings to her but does not look at her while she is facing him.  

[Gotye:] "But you didn't have to cut me off 

Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing 

And I don't even need your love 

But you treat me like a stranger and I feel so rough" 

-Kimbra is singing to him and he won't face her. 

"And you didn't have to stoop so low 

Have your friends collect your records and then change your number 

I guess that I don't need that though" 

-Kimbra turns away from Gotye and walks back to her original position.  

"Now you're just somebody that I used to know" 

-Gotye finally turns to look at her & they miss each other. 

[Gotye:] 

"Somebody 

(I used to know) 

Somebody 

(Now you're just somebody that I used to know)" 

-Paint is slowly coming off of Kimbra while Gotye turns to watch.

"(I used to know) 

(That I used to know) 

(I used to know) 

Somebody" 

-Gotye is still woven into the pattern and Kimbra is naked. 

the end of the music video 

After Kimbra sings to Gotye telling him everything she needed, does Gotye turn to her and sing: "I'm sorry I had you believing it was always something you had done,  I don't want to live that way either, I hate that you have to read into every word I say, I will try harder to let it go,  And you won't catch me again being hung up on somebody that I used to know!?!? 

Nope! He doesn't even make eye contact. His response, you are sh*tty for leaving me & mostly messed up for How you are breaking up with me. Ps: I'm not changing.  

Gotye doesn't take any responsibility for his actions which Made Kimbra change her number and leave. Gotye is mad about the break up that he actually CAUSED!!!  

Kimbra would STILL BE WITH YOU GOTYE if you treated her right!  

Gotye even insulted her in the song: "Stoop so low" by having your friends pick up your stuff & changing your number."-What did you expect Gotye???

"And I don't even need your love"-OUCH!!!! G, What other terrible things did you say in fights? 

"But I'll admit that I was glad it was over", "But you didn't have to cut me off"-Say what?!? You are Glad it's over with Kimbra, but mad that she cut you off??? AND as she first faces him & he sings "You didn't have to cut me off" Gotye was actually Cutting her off!  She walks over to sing to him & he cuts her off to sing over her! Lol! 

 It is so sad bc it takes Kimbra leaving to get Gotye to turn to Look at her. Finally he watches Kimbra as the paint is slowly washing off her back. Kimbra is getting herself out of the pattern. It's time for her to go...  

Gotye has Kimbra stuck woven into his pattern that stunted their relationship. She wants to move forward but he won't let her. She tells him exactly what she needs & he is not listening! Maybe it's bc he doesn't want her woven into his pattern to begin with. If Gotye wanted Kimbra when he started the weave he would have included her. But that's just it, sometimes people don't want you in their weave, it's easier to not have anyone to answer to. Kimbra was made to feel unwelcome. I think that's whats most hurtful. Bc in the beginning of a relationship both show up naked with paint brushes. You want to create the art work together but sometimes only one has the paint brush. You can't make someone say they are sorry or paint the picture in your relationship that you would like them to paint. Or NEED them to paint. All we can do is be co-creators. And if the weave becomes unhealthy it's time to leave.  

You can always feel when it's time to Leave the Weave. 

Kimbra sang it: "I DON'T WANT TO LIVE THAT WAY". 

That's it. So simple. When you are done living in an unhealthy weave it's time to go. 

 I don't want to live that way.... 

Gotye painted Kimbra into the corner. The Exit is the only option sometimes when our relationship is stunted by not sharing artistic direction.  

We can leave with LOVE. We Can change our number. We Can have our friends pick up our records. We are allowed to do these things in reaction to the actions or non-actions in the weave. Lovingly. Let Gotye sing his version of his truth. You don't want to LOVE or LIVE that way! bc OUCH! ;) it hurts..

Today, think of the weave of your relationship, is it healthy? Are there two painters? Would you be proud of the resulting painting of your relationship? Are there any parts you painted that you would like to touch up?  

Do you have past paintings that are left behind that you aren't so proud of? Years later we can still be confused by past relationship's weaves. Sometimes we aren't coupled with the most skilled co-creators!  Other times we get painted into a corner and the only option is to exit out! Be sure to wash the residual battle paint off your back. Its not your fault if your painting was f*cked up with messed up patterns: Hurt woven into regret, woven into lies, woven into cheating, woven into shame, woven into where we went wrong, woven into the hurt we caused....Let go of the guilt. Forgive yourself, let go of the shame. Today is a new day and you are an experienced painter so you will weave the right choices to create healthy relationship patterns!

xo