When to say goodbye?!

I am a hanger on. 

I used to not be. 

I used to be the kind of person that liked change & looked forward to it. 

Who am I without an improv team?

That's the question I'm asking myself. Bc my one and only team is having a State of the Union to discuss moving forward. 

And I'm not sure I can or want to move forward with them. 

Which is a problem bc for the past 10+years I have always been on an improv team. At any one given time I was on 2 to 3 active teams. The most teams I was ever on at one time was 5. 

Never NONE. 

I mean it is team specific bc I really like the people on it too. 

Outgrown them maybe. 

Or maybe worse I settled to begin with bc I needed a safe place to explore. 

Torn bc I see the potential that has never been actualized. 

Dunno...

My therapist had an idea of imagining how I would feel tonight walking out of the meeting if I quit. 

Then imagine how I would feel tonight walking out of the meeting if I stayed on. 

Hmm...

So let me explore that with you, my Kings & Queens ;) 

Walking out of the meeting tonight after quitting I would feel....Sad. But relieved. Like I have more of a chance to do something else with my time. I'd feel panicked bc who is Betsy without an improv team?!?!

Walking out of the meeting tonight if I stayed on I would feel...Sad. But exhausted. Like I gave & gave & hoped & hoped that we would have done more as a team. But we didn't. And haven't. So, it would be bitter sweet bc I'd get to stay with my friends but just Coasting. 

Coasting isn't working for me anymore. 

I want to TAKE OVER!!!

Sometimes it takes bold severances to create room for the next inception of ourselves. 

Today, Big decisions. Who do we want to be? Just stay as we are. Coasting?!? Or brave out into the unknown ALONE. 

Sigh! 

What am I going to do?!?

...

Xoxo