My baby boy

I dreamt about you many nights. Sometimes while I was sleeping but mostly while I was awake and day dreaming. 

Your little round face and big chubby cheeks smiling back at me. Your personality was jovial and jolly. Your hazel blue eyes twinkled like the stars. Your dirty blond fuzzy hair stuck straight up. Almost like a balloon had electrified it with static electricity. Your laugh was a belly laugh that made your round belly shake. Your knees were covered by layers and layers of baby fat. You had your dads perfect nose and my smile. 

Every night I'd rock you to sleep by singing your favorite lullaby. 

Every morning I'd wake you up and we would say hello to the world. 

You completed our little family. Dottie loved you like you were her own puppy. She would lick your face clean. And let you ride her sometimes :)

You were my dream. 

My baby. 

My unborn baby. 

I have to give you back now. 

Bc...

It's over. 

I dreamt of you. 

I wished for you. 

Working hard for this past lifetime to make sure you had everything you would need and want. 

But...

It's not going to happen. 

You won't be made. 

Today, baby dream dashed?!? This is the closest I have ever gotten to actually making my dream of becoming a mother a reality. I got married. I was happy. Working towards the next steps in life. And then...

All of my dreams are dead. 

I will never meet the baby I had dreamed of having. 

Sure, I can with someone else. 

But...

That takes years to happen. And not what I wanted. Not what I wished. Not what I worked my a** off to make happen. 

So incredibly sad. 

So incredibly morbid. 

I feel like right now at this moment, I am holding my chubby baby. And he is so damn cute. He is heavy and loving and perfect. Everything I ever wanted. 

And...

Now...

I have to give him back. 

And I don't want to give him back. I don't. Please, don't make me...

But...

He isn't going to be born. 

Ever. 

 

So...

Goodbye my angel baby, Moses. 

Xoxo