Tired of beating myself up.

I have a show in 2 hours. 

I’m chill. Still in my pjs. Hanging out. Relaxing. Writing you, my fellow Kings and Queens! 

Reeeee-mix. 

Dude, if this was a month ago or 2 weeks ago even, I would be trembling. My nerves a wreck. Picking away at myself. Just NOT HAVING FUN. 

Nope. 

Something shifted inside me. 

Honestly, don’t know how or what exactly. 

But...

I’m done. 

Done, riding myself. 

Done, making how I do at show decide how I feel about myself. In the past, if I had a good show I was worthy of love. Bad show, unworthy of being loved. It was a terrible experience. Traumatic experience. That I actively participated in. Where, beating myself up to be the best was a moment by moment pursuit. 

I’m tired. 

Am I willing to love myself even when I have a bad show, bad experience, bad grade etc? 

Yes. 

The answer finally, is Yes. 

& I am going to choose to behave differently on the way to it too. Rather, than beating myself up into perfection. I’m choosing to love myself to the stage. Be myself out there and use the Gods given gifts to get my ideas across. 

It’s a choice. 

I’m uber proud of myself for making it. 

I’m kinda perplexed right now. I have so much time to chill now that I’m not berating myself into an ideal. 

Today, What action in your life is it time to give up?!? Negative self talk?! Compare/Despair?!

But for the Grace of God, I am here in serenity right now. It’s a new foreign calm feeling. 

Curious to see how this all turns out!Wish me luck! 

Xo