Imposter Complex

Yeah I know it’s called Imposter Syndrome. 

But...

To me it’s always been complex ;). 

Truly. 

The idea behind the Imposter’s experience is that we feel we don’t deserve any thing we achieve. 

No matter how much hard work and sweat and tears goes into it. 

We believe luck did it. Or that we will be found out right away and all our success will be taken away. 

This is hard. 

I have a pendulum in my head. 

One moment I am thinking woohoo!!! I am the best thing ever! 

Then as fast as the pendulum can swing back, I feel like I’m undeserving and worth nothing. 

Sad state of affairs. How quickly I can go from feeling on top of the world and then to being the smallest most undeserving person of love. 

Luckily, I have a therapist and a 12 step program and YOU!

My fellow Queens & Kings, that is one of the most important factors to overcoming Imposters Syndrome, speaking honestly about it to others. 

By choosing to do so, we shed light on it and are able to hear that others have it as well. 

We aren’t alone in this world. 

Unless, we choose to be. 

I for one, can say, I have chosen to be alone many times in my life. This led to isolation and depression. Not a good look! Terribly unfun time. 

Today, When was the last time you shared something about yourself that was ugly?! Last time you were vulnerable?!? Last time you felt amazing about yourself?!? Last time you felt like a tiny bug?! 

Interesting how many inceptions of ourselves we can have in a day. Forget about a lifetime! 

I’m choosing to be vulnerable and share with YOU, my BFF’s, my hurdles. 

It’s not always easy. 

Which is why sometimes I go radio silent. Using that time to figure my feelings out. 

 Now...

I’m gonna noodle and research and understand all that I’m experiencing about this complex syndrome. 

Learned about it years ago but, this past week I had an outburst. Spoke to my sister and it hit me. 

I don’t feel deserving. 

Of my life. Success. Happiness. 

Time for the...

“Remix!!!” (Said in the voice of hip hop songs ;)!

Time to unearth the truth of what’s really going on. You ready to take the journey with me?!!!

Ps: Check out this YouTube video 

here :) -pretty interesting stuff! 

Pps: source of image Pablo Stanley